but I'm not feeling particularly patriotic.

​

(spoiler alert: not that I really ever have, if we're being honest, which I pretty much always am)

Even before the Big Bullshit Bill of Death was passed yesterday, I have been feeling like this country is living up to its roots - namely white supremacy and genocide, as I know many others have as well.

For the last several years, I have been learning from folks who are exploring what comes next. What happens when all of this (sweeps arms in every direction) collapses? This meaning the systems of classism, racism, capitalism, etc. etc. I have learned a lot, much of which I try to share with other folks, about things like degrowth and alternative forms of wealth and what it means to engage in radical community care outside of and in spite of these systems.

​

Last week when Mamdani won the ranked choice primary in New York, beating Cuomo who was backed by the political machine of the Democratic party, it was so fascinating (and disheartening, again, if I'm being honest) to watch the same old tropes be trotted out about how he and his ideas are "dangerous" and "divisive." There has been soooooo much analysis of why he won, why he is so popular among so many New Yorkers, and I won't pretend to be educated enough in that arena to engage in any of it, but something struck me as I was walking my dogs the morning that his win was official and that is that, while it seems absurd to me that anyone is actually opposed to the things he wants to enact (among other things):

• Freeze rent prices
• Build affordable housing
• Free, efficient buses
• City-owned grocery stores that are affordable
• No-cost childcare and K-12 schools
• Healthcare
• Raising the minimum wage

it has been shown over and over again in this country (and others) that there will always be groups opposed to certain platforms and ideas for a variety of reasons. So do we just doom ourselves to this endless pendulum swinging back and forth from one end of the political spectrum to the center of it (I won't insult you by saying we're going to swing far enough to the liberal side because Democrats have shown that they don't care to go there any more than Republicans do.

So where are the points of disagreement? Why can't we all agree that each of us deserves to live in peace, with enough food and a roof over our heads, and making a living wage if we are able to work?

This country was founded on the belief that some people are more human than others (namely, white men who owned land). Why can't we get away from it? We have been shown over and over again in a million different ways that people other than white, landowning men contribute amazing things to the collective, both tangible and intangible. We have experienced the hardships that come from not taking care of each other in fundamental ways over and over again (public health emergencies, exploding social service needs like homelessness and addiction to name two). We have come to a place where hatred and violence and easy access to guns means that a mass shooting occurs a minimum of once a week in a public place.

It is hard to believe that anyone is okay with living in a place where this is the reality - where 60% of the people who live here don't make enough in their full time jobs to meet their basic needs, where tens of millions of people will soon be kicked off of their health insurance even though they are clearly in need, where the budget for militant, unregulated ICE agents has been expanded exponentially.

So why can't we agree to take care of each other?

Why are we so convinced that there isn't enough for all of us? (There is. I promise. We just have to agree to cooperate.)

My friend Garrett Bucks says "love harder than the fascists hate." While it sounds trite, I think he's right. What if I just say I love you and I believe you deserve to be held in care and consideration simply because you exist on the face of the planet? (yes, even Stephen Miller. Doesn't mean I approve of his choices or I want to hang out with him, but I don't wish him harm - well, most of the time) What if I practice that over and over again until it starts to become the foundation of every thing I do?

I could go out and knock on doors and try to build bridges (and I still might), but if I am coming at that from a place of wanting, no needing, to convince those folks that they're wrong, to bring them over to "my side," I've lost already. I know from the work I've done with teens and families and in mediation that the minute I start trying to control someone's behavior or actions or beliefs or values, I've lost an opportunity to be in relationship to them. I have to start with love and curiosity and build connection that feels real and honest. The coercion and manipulation (by shame, incentivizing, guilt trips, etc.) might change behavior short-term, but it just sets that pendulum in motion again and, if you're familiar with pendulums, you know that they work by swinging back and forth, so while things might shift for a bit, they'll swing right back.

This might all sound obvious. Or it might sound absurd. Or both. That's okay. I get it. I just don't see another way forward.

Today, I choose love.

I hope tomorrow, I do, too.

Also, in case you haven't checked it out yet, the intro and the first vignette from my next memoir are up on the site. Posts are free for everyone, but if you check it out and you feel like supporting me, I appreciate it. I'll post a new vignette every other week and I've decided to post the audio version in between the written ones in case folks would rather listen.

As always, please reply with your thoughts and responses. I love hearing from folks. And take care of yourself. Practice believing that you deserve to be held in care simply because you exist.