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I was in an online gathering a couple of months ago, listening to Miriam Juan-Torres González talk about fascism (Miriam is the head of research for the Othering and Belonging Institute at Berkeley) and she said something I'd never heard before: that one of the most insidious things about living with fascism is that there is a large portion of the population for whom their lives won't change very much.

That idea has been rattling around in my head pretty consistently since then and I can see it already.

In case you hadn't noticed (and no shade to you if you haven't), we are living under fascism here in the United States. The daily restructuring of the judiciary to install folks who will support MAGA policies, the continued isolation of our country from the rest of the world via exorbitant tariffs, the massive increase in military and police budgets with attendant increase in incarcerations and deporting folks (I could go on but I won't)...

and yet, people are still traveling, going to work, holding conferences, buying back-to-school supplies, making breakfast and lunch and dinner (even as the price of groceries skyrockets). Yes, there are a great number of people whose lives are changing - being kicked off of Medicaid and SNAP and being snatched off the street by "ICE" agents - but the vast majority of folks in my neighborhood are still going about their business most of the time and so am I.

I was talking with friends yesterday about how exhausting it is to have a foot in both worlds - paying close attention to what is happening in Gaza and Sudan and here in my own community with immigration raids and working on designing my new website and creating offerings for folks so that I can make money to pay my bills and keep my household running. It doesn't feel sustainable. And sometimes it paralyzes me.

Thus, "Hurry up and wait." I feel an almost ever-present sense of urgency around all of it coupled with the notion that there is very little I can do to materially change it. I began this administration's tenure signing all the petitions, forwarding all the things on social media, going to rallies, and in the months since, I have watched my state senators Adam Schiff and Alex Padilla give voice to their outrage with Trump's policies and repeatedly vote to send hundreds of millions of dollars worth of weapons to Israel to continue their relentless genocide on Palestinian people in Gaza.

What.

The.

Actual.

Fuck?!?!

I don't believe that you can rail against ICE and their horrific tactics, bemoan the starving children in Gaza (poor Cory Booker, his "heart is breaking"), AND continue to support the regime that both trained ICE and is responsible for slaughtering those children in Gaza on a daily basis.

But today I will get on Zoom and do some work, finish writing the copy for my new website, eat some breakfast, walk the dogs.

It feels like living in parallel universes that I can switch back and forth from at will. One minute I am messaging with Ahmed's sister, Heba, to get real-time information on whether there is any food in Gaza to purchase (there is very little, and a small bag of flour costs 1300 Israeli shekels which equates to about $390 US) and affirming that Ahmed and his wife and two children are - for today - still alive. And the next minute I'm dashing to a chiropractor appointment, driving through the gorgeous town where I live, thinking about what I'll make for dinner and whether I have time to go hiking tomorrow. Later today, I'll gather with folks in the park for a potluck and anti-ICE training so we can make sure more people in the community know what to do as they show up this weekend to arrest our friends and neighbors.

It is truly absurd, and at this point, I don't know what to do differently. I'd love to hear your thoughts - what is this like for you? While I can absolutely see what Miriam means, I am determined to be changed by fascism. I am determined to stay uncomfortable, if only so that I can continue to fight. I want fascism to change me, not make me soft.

And in the meantime, if you feel called to, I am still sending money to Ahmed and Heba to help them as much as possible, and every little bit counts. You can send money to me to help via:

Venmo @Kari-ODriscoll

PayPal kari@theselfproject.com

Zelle odriscoll@msn.com

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Also, there is a call for a country-wide general strike on Saturday, August 9th. Please consider joining it. You've got a week to prepare - get your groceries, fill your gas tank, check some books out from the library. We are asking folks to not go to work (I know - that can be challenging, but a sick day is a sick day...), don't shop anywhere or buy anything, don't get on the internet (remember when we didn't look at a screen once all day long? I do). It's one day. Spend it lying in bed reading, walking in nature, having a potluck with neighbors.

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If you haven't yet - consider heading over to www.buymeacoffee.com/kario and checking out the first few posts from my latest memoir. Posts are free for folks, but if you want to support - either by becoming a member or buying me a coffee once, I'd appreciate it. And I would love to know what you think, so please weigh in on what you read.